Beware the unknown

...As I made my way to Wetsuit Jay and Rubberasylums door I felt nervous and actually afraid.  The last visit I had made weighed heavily on my mind to the point of me questioning if I could or even should continue my training. I rang the doorbell, waiting for someone to answer, and when Rubberasylum opened the door I saw a look of compassion and concern as he hugged me and welcomed me inside. I walked in,,, my eyes avoiding his,,, I had many questions and concerns I needed to discuss with my Trainer, I felt hurt and honestly was worried that maybe I had upset Him to the point of possibly not wanting me either.


    Its been a while since I  posted anything in my blog. There are many reasons for this, some regarding my work schedules as of late, but the brunt of the reason being a set of circumstances that came about from my request to delve deeper into my training.  To be trained as a pup takes allot of effort from both yourself and you Trainer. Beyond the helping with the home that I have been invited into, and beyond the physical training comes the need to trust and be open with the one you are training with. Be it your Master or the one you call your Dominant, there is a need to have a bond of deep trust in both your physical and mental well being.

I have been able to trust Rubberasylum when we play, he instilled that feeling of safety in me the first time I was invited to a party he was having. He had no expectations or demands when I was there, but offered to let me play under his watchful eye to make sure no harm of any sort would come to me. Trust on an emotional level is harder for me to garner however. Ive not let many people break through the walls I have put up in my mind. Very few will ever get to see what dwells in the recesses in there, the fears, the desires, the things I have pushed away, not wanting to contemplate until whatever the issue might be comes to fruition. Along those lines, building trust emotionally doesn't come easily to me, its something that takes allot of work. When I asked to go deeper into training I wasn't ready for this to come into play.
 
   When this happened, and my Trainer did indeed take me to the next level of trust that a puppy needs, I was shocked when we talked and I was faced with some very tough questions. Nothing bad was told to me nor was anything really said that should have upset me, it was just questions I didn't want to think of. Things I had filed away in the back of my mind and blocked myself from thinking of because I didn't like the outcome I had foreseen. When it happened I felt that He had no business even thinking of questioning what I had done in regards to this subject, It was personal to me alone and no one had any right to ask anything about it, period. When I left after this happened, all I felt was a coolness that over the next few weeks kept growing.

That brings me back to being at my Trainers door.

Sir asked me to follow him to his room when I had my things brought inside. I followed him and he closed the door behind us, asking me if I was alright.  I looked and told him I was alright but I needed to talk to him about how I felt.  He said we could talk right now if needed, but I said it was alright to wait. There was a pup I knew named Rufus visiting and as we made our way to the playroom and I looked in I saw him sleeping in my kennel.

I must give my Trainer credit, He does like having other pups around for me to spend time with. 

Rubberasylum smiled telling me Rufus asked when I might show up and that I should go say hello to him. We talked a bit, me sitting outside the kennel then Sir motioned me over to himself telling me to get my pupgear.  I went and got my hood, grinning as He pulled it onto my head, smelling the rubber as he tightened it onto me. Oh the bliss of feeling His hands transforming me into a puppy. I had forgotten how much I longed to feel this way and as He opened the kennel and let me in it with Rufus I began to remember exactly why I loved coming to see Wetsuit Jay and Him. It was the feeling of safety and happiness knowing I was accepted and wanted here.

Rufus and I got to play a bit before it was time to eat. Growling and pawing at each other, snuggling in my kennel, Rubberasylum watching us, laughing at times as we frolicked. We had a good dinner made by Sir that everyone enjoyed, followed later in the evening with hottubbing. A nice end to the day. That evening I slept with Sir in his room. A pup forgets how nice it is to snuggle up to another in their gear as they sleep. Its moments like that, feeling content and happy with everything that makes being a pup so wonderful.

The next morning found me rested, feeling a bit frisky really. As I pressed in closer to Rubberasylum I couldn't help but grind against his leg, whimpering softly as I pawed over his chest.  Sir told me to be a good pup, he pushed me back away from him gently as he got up, leaving me still whining on the bed, telling me to keep my paws away from my locked up sheath. He was very kind to me though, he asked if I would like a cup of coffee as he went to the kitchen. I yipped and nodded at him as he went to the kitchen. Sometimes its nice to get a treat like that. 

Rufus had stayed the night also and we both made our way to the kitchen talking about what each of us had planned.  It was a mellow morning, Wetsuit Jay caught me downstairs after my shower telling me good bye, that he had to go to work.  I wished him a fun day as he walked to his car, I would have to leave before he would be back, but still, it was good seeing him.  It felt nice having him tell me it was good to see me again. I have a good family here.

Rufus and I talked a bit, getting reacquainted, finding out what we had been up to before he had to pack his things and be on his way. He had plans to meet some other friends in the area but he said he had a great time. I had a feeling he would find it fun meeting Sir and Wetsuit Jay *wags*. After he left, Sir said we could play but I really wanted to talk to him. I sat down in front of him on the floor and he patted the couch beside him telling me I could be on the furniture. I sat down and laid my head in his lap, looking up at him. I told him why I had reacted the way I did after my last visit, not talking to him and I explained why. He let me figure out why I felt the way I did on my own, listening as he petted over me. 

As we continued to talk, me finally letting some of my hidden truths out to him I began to cry. He had touched on something I feared, something I dreaded the thought of.  To be able to trust him with my feelings and secrets made me feel like a huge weight had been lifted off me.  We sat for a few hours like that just talking. Hes an amazing man.

When I got my composure back about me Sir asked if i might still want to play. I looked at the clock and thought about the time. It was a little before noon and I had to be back home that evening for work. I took about half a second to answer Him, grabbing my hood and paws!  He laughed and told me to follow him to the playroom, choosing his sleepsack telling me to go to his bedroom. I took the sack and ran upstairs, putting it on the bed.

I was beside myself as he told me to lay down in it, feeling him pull the leather around my arms,, closing them in the sleeves, next hearing the main zipper start to close, the leather tightening around my legs as he travelled up my body, slowly sealing me inside it. As he reached the top of the sack he turned his attention to the straps, buckling them a bit more snugly around me. It was pure bliss feeling myself so tightly held. Sir opened up the front pulling my puppycock out, stroking me slowly as i tried to hump into his hand. It felt so amazing, trapped as I was toyed with.

He edged me, rotating from doing some things on his computer, listening to me whimper, coming back over only to let me get so close before walking away again and again. It was almost a torture!  I wanted to cum!  Finally after over an hour of playing with me, Sir started stoking me furiously, I was panting by this point, the leather was so hot and tight! It felt amazing and so restrictive all at once.  I was humping into his hand as hard as I could! Sir then released his grip,, leaving me panting, laying trapped in the sleepsack, laughing as he opened the top, letting the cool air rush in against me,,, letting one of my arms loose, telling me I had been good and I could paw myself off.

Immediately I took things into paw, grunting loudly as I shot over my stomach, finally laying back, as Sir gave me a pat on the head telling me i was a good puppy.

~Rotty




   

 

Going further as a pup..

My last visit to my Trainer was a very important one to me.  I had asked that he take me further as a pup but this also meant that I needed to make some hard decisions about myself also.  My life until this point has really been dictated by me alone.  Many things that I wanted I worked hard for, creating the life that I was comfortable in.  

My livelihood depends on me making decisions, dictating how a project will proceed, directing workers on what they should do throughout their workday, but now I have found I need to allow another to direct me.  Listening to their orders, not taking things as mere suggestions when told to do things.  This is a hard concept to grasp after years of being the one in control. 

There is so much more to being a pup beyond the obvious.

It was a wonderful feeling when I finally pulled up in front of my Trainer and his Sirs home again. It had been 3 weeks since my last visit, I had been faithful to his orders of being sheathed when away from Him and was so looking forward to being out of it again. 

Rubberasylum and my Master had talked and agreed that I wouldn't be allowed to cum unless I was being trained with Sir.  I had whimpered when this was told to me but how could I argue against a decision made between both of the dominant ones in my life? 

As I reached the door a feeling of excitement came over me.  It was time to be a pup again, but first I was told that Sir and I needed to have a serious talk.  This scared me.  I have tried to be a good doggie for Him but I also knew I had failed at times.  My dominant side pushing through, questioning his authority that I had offered to him when he allowed me to be his dog. 

I rang the doorbell and heard Wetsuit Jay and Rubberasylum talking.  "Hes only a half hour late" was said as footsteps came down the stairs and the door was opened.  Sir greeted me with a smile and a big hug, it was so nice being back with my family.  We said our hellos and I brought in my bags, settling down in the kitchen for supper.  I was told there was going to be visiting pups tomorrow and I had asked if a great friend of mine could stop by who was travelling through the city which Sir had agreed to.  The weekend was going to be wonderful!

We finished our meal and we retired to the den.  Sir told me to get into my puppygear, sitting me down in front of him he said it was time for me to listen.  The dreaded talk he had spoken of earlier in the week.  I really had no idea what we were needing to discuss.  There were so many things I had thought of.  It wasn't as bad as what my mind had mulled over since he had said we needed a talk.  It was about my attitude and how I reacted to his orders and about what I truly wanted as a pup in my training. 

I had said things, not meant to be hurtful but they had been, and I had complained about some orders I had been given.  Not all of them, but there were some specific ones that had touched a nerve.  Looking back it seems foolish, I reacted without thinking, and this needed to stop.  Sir is always diplomatic in regards to me.  He knows that there is very little that I know about being a true puppy and he has held my hand, leading me slowly into learning what is proper and what isn't. 

Now since I had asked to go deeper he told me what it meant.  I needed to trust him completely, I needed to not be a bad dog and rebel against his orders, and that's what they were when he told me to do things, not suggestions but orders.  There was allot of actions that he stated, things I didn't consciously realize I had done that were disrespectful to him.  He asked me what exactly I wanted from my training.  That he didn't know how to read me, that I was a guarded pup and he himself couldn't really proceed unless I truthfully answered him.

What was I seeking to find in this?  The more I thought about that, the clearer it became.  I wanted the freedom to trust someone else completely.  I wanted to feel safe letting another have control, even if only for a short while, and not worry about being hurt in the process.  To realize this came as a bit of a shock to me, my training wasn't all about being controlled or kept as a pup, it was about trust more than anything.  I also realized that another goal was to find and allow a side of me free that I had buried years ago.  to free the part of me that longs to submit completely to another. 

Not as a slave, but as a dog who looks up to his Owner, wanting only to please them, to hear words of praise after doing something, not because ordered to but because they know that it pleases the one they have been given the joy of serving.  It was a revelation to me.  Learning in that instant that my goals revolved around pleasing others, something that I had tucked far away, afraid to let free for fear of being hurt by my actions. 

We finished our talk, both of us happier and better able to proceed.  My training would intensify but it didn't scare me now, I knew completely that I wanted this more than ever now and I had 2 wonderful men in my life, my Master and my Trainer that would lead me down this path, showing me how to succeed in what I truly wanted.  I got to sleep in Rubberasylums bed that night after he offered me the choice.  As He patted the covers I wuffed happily getting up beside him snuggling under the covers.  It felt so good as I fell asleep, laying there as a pup without a care in the world, able to be content with everything as the day ended.

   To be continued.....


~Rottie